So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
