its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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