Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
