I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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