maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
