Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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