don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
