For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
