Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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