And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm really busy with my period
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