He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
