This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
