so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
MIDGETS
????
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
