my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
