After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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