WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
