I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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