Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
