oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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