In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
