Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we're making bets on your personal life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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