I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
