she was so not down for the gang bang
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
