your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
