Please, let me fuck your mom
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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