you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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