just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
