God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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