Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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