I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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