my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
