I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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