My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
