We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
