Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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