just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
