Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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