I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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