Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
