it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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