i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
