I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just had sex on a roof
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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