you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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