i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
