And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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