I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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