I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
