i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
