He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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