We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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