Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
