i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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