so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
