I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
