That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
