I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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