Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
