"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
