oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
