I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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