why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You made out with two different species that night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
