Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
