Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
