were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
