why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
