What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
