She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
