this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my liver is dry heaving
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
