never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
