At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
