Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
