Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
