Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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