Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
