I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
