Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
