I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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