Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
