I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
