Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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