My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
