I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
