next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
